In the Body of the World by Eve Ensler

Author:Eve Ensler [Ensler, Eve]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-345-81324-4
Publisher: Random House of Canada
Published: 2013-04-30T04:00:00+00:00

Sue tells me that she has never understood how I have not been sick before. She tells me she knows I will survive everything because I am the most resilient person she’s ever known. It’s funny, I feel different when she says this, maybe because I know she knows how fragile I am. Then she tells me that ever since she heard about my cancer, she’s been thinking much more about how my father battered me, and I say, “Me too.” She says, “I feel we didn’t spend enough time on the battering.” And this makes me think of the chemotherapy battering my insides. I tell her I am very afraid of having poison inside me. And then she does what I call a Sue. She gives me back the same information I am giving her but with a genius spin, a way of seeing things that immediately and spontaneously unlocks the neurosis. In this case, she gives me a way to reframe the entire chemo experience. She says, “The chemo is not for you. It is for the cancer, for all the past crimes, it’s for your father, it’s for the rapists, it’s for the perpetrators. You’re going to poison them now and they are never coming back. Chemo will purge the badness that was projected onto you but was never yours. I have total faith in your resilience and the magical capacities of your body and soul for healing. Your job is to welcome the chemo as an empathetic warrior, who is coming in to rescue your innocence by killing off the perpetrator who got inside you. You have many bodies; new ones will be born out of this transformational time of love and care. When you feel nauseous or terrible, just imagine how hard the chemo is fighting on your behalf and on behalf of all women’s bodies, restoring wholeness, innocence, peace. Welcome the chemo as empathetic warrior.” Consciousness leap, consciousness shift. I think rain forest. I think walking into what the shamans call “the frontiers of mental death.” I think that what was terrifying and impossible two minutes ago is suddenly the thing I need to be doing most. I think yes, chemo will be my medicine. I will ride it like a lion. I will let it do its work in me. I know that whatever happens, will be what is required.

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